Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Sentinel


I woke up with mist in my eyes and milky walls all around. It was gone, everything; they were gone, everyone; empty shelves, everywhere. All I could see were white curtains, dangling like puppets, flowing with the breeze in an acquainted yet unfamiliar way.

I made my way out of the room, confused and began following the corridor which seemed endless.

The challis curtains across the corridors shielded my view and slapped across my face.

Unable to view what lied ahead I kept walking.

At last I could feel it. As I felt the wind, I knew the end is near. I walked even faster.

And there it was, an endless sea with a small island.

I swam across the endless sea, against the tide. At times my mind asked me let go but the sight of the island kept me going.

Fatigued yet determined I swam towards the island. All I could see was a white tree with someone or something staring away towards the endless ocean.

I slowly succumbed to the voices in my mind and decided to let go. But then, I touched it, the cover of mud which lay on the island. I knew I was there.

I dragged myself towards that someone who was still staring into the endless ocean completely oblivious of my presence.

It was a woman, bearing a child safely in her womb. She looked at me, smiled and turned away towards the endless ocean once again.

I closed my eyes and plunged into the maw of death.

I woke up, with mist in my eyes.

-Osiris 83 was last seen talking to the monolith.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Munch- Taare Zameen Par


Taare Zameen Par

The good –
For some odd reason I want to watch this movie again. Taare Zameen Par is a gem of a movie carrying one of the most enthralling performances by a child actor. Not to forget the other actors as well. The kid actually takes the entire movie on his own till the interval which is when Aamir Khan makes his entry.As the directorial debut of Aamir Khan the movie definitely lives upto the expectations. Its emotional to the core and if you don’t like it you are probably a soul-less bastard.TZP makes its way to my list of ‘favourite bollywood movies of 2007′. FYI, the list includes ‘Black Friday’ and ‘Bheja Fry’.

The bad – I actually cannot nitpick anything (I just don’t want to) in the movie except that it could have used some more animation/claymation sequences which bring the kid’s delusions on
the screen.

The experience - I hate morning shows, especially on weekends. Also, I wasn’t expecting much from this movie because of the plethora of bollywood crap I witnessed recently. Around 10:30 AM show when I entered ‘Screen 4′ of the multiplex I could smell the fresh air glooming with a mixture of fragrances from shampoo and deodorants. Something you don’t get to smell during afternoon or other shows when the air is damped with the stinking cheese popcorn and morons who sweat like a whore in a church.
I had a coffee in one hand and popcorn in the other. I slowly made my way to the second row and abusing the friend who booked the tickets (second row, what the fuck?).
I missed the opening credits but again was not too late. As I watched this sweet flick, I could feel my mind diverting away from whatever was happening on the scene and pulling out threads from my past.


The good – Seth Rogen as an 18 year old. Try imagining it! The is movie is all about crude humor and features a surfeit of the ‘fuck’ word and some other profanities.
Some of the best sequences in Superbad surround the lead characters and their antics. For instance, Seth, the protagonist and his weird habit of drawing pictures of dicks as a kid. How the fuck does one come up with this stuff? Genius in the gene, truly.
One of the best high school comedies ever. A perfect movie to watch when you are with friends, and are thinking of getting plastered.

The bad – Again, nothing that I can pin point to. This is a light hearted fun movie and I hate to find faults in those.

The experience – Had a few beers (Kingfisher strong FTW!) and played this movie. The next 118 minutes and 39 seconds were godlike. Me? Drunketh, while this was running? No!

Knocked Up

The good –
Seth Rogen again. How can any movie involving this guy be bad?

The bad – Nothing again. God damn, I’m losing my mind here.

The Experience – Watched it the same day as Superbad. Although, I was fully sober by the time I started playing it.

Johnny Gaddar

The good –
Kickass screenplay. Vinay Pathak shines again. Neil Mukesh puts up a strong debut performance. [ETA - Goddamn, this just sounds like some lame newspaper headline]

The bad – Dharmendra speaking English dialogues. One of them goes something like this, “its not about age, its mileage”. WHAT THE FUCK?

The experience – Renting the DVD – 40 bucks, wafers and Snickers bar – 100 bucks, making fun of Dharam paaji’s angrezi, priceless.

Osiris 83 is dreaming in an empty room.

Friday, December 21, 2007


Supriya Suri

Studying in a French school and not knowing the language, I sat in the projection room waiting for the movie to begin and hoping SANS TOIT NI LOI will be played with English subtitles, and guess what lady lucky was on my side. And their started my short journey to see a journey of Mona (played by Sandrine bonnair)


"Without roof or law"


The middle path as the philosopher quipped is the path between freedom and loneliness, a path which Agnes Varda has preferred for herself in Cinema, known for her honesty and originality as a filmmaker. And her methodology and aesthetics which are deeply rooted in documentary realism and feminist issues. While a thin red line of social commentary cane be seen running through her movies.

Vagabond is about Mona who wonders and withers from one place to another affecting the lives of people before her death due to Hypothermia. The interesting part is the way how the narrative flows and the story is being told, the flashbacks of the girl and the witnesses of her life being interviewed by someone off screen, as if they straight spoke to the viewers. The movie commences with the dead body of the girl, accompanied by a voice over a landscape which said "I know little about the girl myself but it seems to me that she came from the sea", said by the director herself and then the shot cut to the sea from where Mona comes out naked. An aimless road trip for Mona who enjoys music and dope, and does not mind working on any short term job for some money once a while.

Meeting people along the way she sometimes stays with them if they are helpful, and even works, though she doesn't mind putting her tent anywhere and staying there. The story shifts from the life of homeless Mona to the documentary like interviews throughout the film. She happens to meet a philosopher on her way he chooses the middle path between freedom and loneliness unlike Mona's who was lingering around with both (reason why I just picked the philosopher only form her journey because I found the conversation of freedom and loneliness interesting) but sometimes later she does get tired and fatigued by her life.

Agnes Varda rooted interest in documentary and intellectual cycle comes to full circle in the movie- And on one such cold day searching for food and tortured by the villagers her state of destitute brings her bleak journey to an end, and the movie comes back to were it started, with her dead body lying on the field.

Rating- ****

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Bollywood Curry- Five Bollywood movies you must watch before dying.

His Master's Voice

I'm a sucker for comic flicks. Seriously, who isn't? Yeah, there are a few weirdoes, and I have the delight of knowing few of them. Suckers who need a reason to laugh. Anyway, that’s probably not the topic I'm going to write about. So here we go. Stay with me fellas, this is going to be insane, totally. Let’s see, since we started talking about the comedy genre lets continue with that. In 2000 Priyadarshan released a movie titled 'Hera Pheri'. A remake of the Tamil film 'Arangetra Velai' which was it a remake of the Mallu film 'Ramji Rao Speaking'. 'Hera Pheri' was a nice movie, no doubt, but the genre has slowly gone down the drain after that. There is shit-loads of new stuff released every year.

First time you watch them 10 giggles + 2 laughs.

Next time, 5 giggles + 1 laugh.

The third time… Well!

There is no reason to watch the damn movie a second time itself. The jokes are repeated. The plot is made to resemble some sort a comedy of errors. Which is copied and used in thousand countless sequels and prequels. So here I am, with 5 movies that will change the way you think about comedy as a genre. No, the list does not contain the usual suspects like Andaz Apna Apna, Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron or Stranger Than Paradise (an absurdist humor masterpiece).



A poor man's Rocky Balboa. Mithun stars as Shankar Dharma, the boxer. A beautiful movie consisting of some really funny scenes juxtaposed together. For instance, the training scene towards the final fight, where our hero (picture this) jogs/runs in the middle of the road and performs some push-ups later on.

I cannot imagine how the director must have narrated this scene. “See Mithun, you run on the highway and the first speed breaker you see, you start doing push-ups there”. A truly death defying stunt. Just brings a 'woah' from your mouth. Just notice the originality, it’s like slapping originality in the face and saying “bitch, I get more original than this”


Starring our very own, Dharam papaji as the 'lion of Himalayas'. He knows each and every corner of Himalayas. Together with his team of commandos, on a mission to terminate Dong (wtf?). Now, Dong is the name of the prime antagonist, played by Amrish Puri.

Now I understand that Bollywood comes up with some of the most genuine names for villains. We have had Mogambo (Mr. India), Dr. Dang (Karma) but Dong? Isn't that a euphemism for a man's hose? And he also has very nifty catch phrases like “Dong kabhi wrong nahi hota (Dong can never be wrong)”. Should have been “Dong kabhi long nahi hota (Dong can never be long)”.

Trivia:- Our very own Shaktiman India's first superhero on television attained great powers and responsibilty from this movie.

Aap Kaa Surroor: The Moviee - The Real Luv Story

Argublyy the funniest moviee of 2007. Rent the damn thing. Just forward the songs, Himesh's voice gives a cancer- this is a laugh riot all the way.

Caps, Guns, Melodrama, Nasal and above all HIMESH... this is one of the most funniesst movie to ever come out of Bollywood.

Himesh Rocks all the way to the grand finale.

Jaani Dushmaan: Ek Anokhi Kahani

Friends, Roman, Countrymen this is one of the most wackiest, funniest and oddball movie to ever come out of Bollywood. Sunnypaji is at his best doing what he does mindless screaming, frantic chasing and bashing.

And Sonu Nigam can single handedly beat Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Harold Lyod, Gruocho Max and Laurel and Hardy in this movie.

Go, rent this movie at your nearest Video Rental Shop. Words of Caution:- "Watch with a free mind "; and at the end I'm sure you will have severe cramps in your stomach.

Highlights- Akshay Kumar and Suniel Sheety as College boys.


Before I say a single word about this movie let me stand up and type.
Watching (or even writing about) Gunda is like listening to the national anthem. You have to stand in respect.

If boxer slapped originality in the face Gunda clearly humps it. I regard this movie as a sculpture which can only be crafted by someone having 10 hands where each hand are more precise than Michelangelo's both hands combined.

*sits down*

Just wonder, how amazing it would be if one dubs Hindi cricket commentary over porn. If someone manages to do that, that movie will see itself in this list someday.

- Osiris83 was last seen leaving Yellow Brick Lane.

Friday, December 14, 2007

My Blueberry Nights

Supriya Suri

"We'll always have Paris


I haven't started eating blueberry pies like Norah Jones, but I finally managed to watch a Wong Kar Wai movie on the “Big Screen” . While in India one could watch WKW movies only on Bootleg copies or purchase an original DVD/ VCD of 2046, the only WKW movie distributed officially in India by 20th Century Fox. Even before I left for Paris, my dream was to watch a WKW movie in the theatre, a dream unlinke the protagonist of WKW who keep wandering for destinations, but I finally found mine here in Paris.

My Blueberry Nights is yet another movie about loss, love and meditation by the most stylish post-modern auteur to emerge from Hong Kong. This is WKW first foray in an English language domain, and sure the movie lives up to the brand name that has become WKW- lush, stylish and well composed visual and music which acts as a let motif throughout the movie, and characters who quote as they please from literature preferably Latin, Chinese or Japanese are all present. But the overall touch and soul of WKW previous movies are missing from action.

The movie deals with Elizabeth (Norah Jones) and her recent break up followed by spending nights eating blue berry pies at Jeremy’s café (Jude Law). And one fine day she decides to leave the city and travel from one place to another meeting different people, all having their own share of losses and tragedy, their addictions and her dream to buy a car. With WKW movies being incomplete without metaphors the film included a key box and the circle, which hold true for Elizabeth as she beautifully comes back at the end from where she started because it is always better to cross roads again if you have someone waiting for you on the other side.

The overall look and feel of the film was very appealing with every scene almost providing us with shades of neon lights along with colors but with such fabulous photography it was hard to believe in the actors and the voice over. The relationship that the director was trying to establish between Elizabeth and Jeremy somewhere didn't quite come across well and unlike his other movies, this one does not seem to be a step forward. The typical slow motion of his scenes sometimes seemed to be overdone and this time his jump cuts were more obvious than a surprise. The music has been a hallmark in his movies, and it reminded me of In the Mood for Love. The shot of door getting shut at the café brought back the images of 2046.

The look dominated the other elements throughout the film. It did bring in some disappointment being a WKW fan. The movie has more style and less substance, a beauty with no brains, with close collaborator William Chang out doing himself again in meticulously crafting the design of the movie, and Darius Khondji stepping in the shoes of Christopher Doyle and he sure does not allow his absence to be felt.

My blueberry Nights certainly has everything that a Wong Kar Wai fan would want from his movies, but this time around this very elements does not allow the story or the characters to be felt or come close, it somewhat distances them and instead of allowing them to expand, and become part of us. Preferably this new venture will win him new fans, and at the end when the credit rolls Wong Kar Wai fans will carry the visual and music will keep revolving in their head but the characters will all be missing in a story of about a blueberry pie.

Rating:- ***

- Supriya Suri is dreaming about visiting the Igazu falls

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

MUNCH- Bollywood To Hollywood.



The good – Deepika Padukone on the big screen.

The Bad – Alright, I get it, they wanted to make a commercial movie. They have been masturbating over this fact during the previews and the commercials everywhere. But, god damn, there are better masala movies. The main problem in this movie is the fact that this is not a movie. Its a shameless, blatant, self publicizing advertisement for SRK. The guy is OLD, admit that. He looks absolutely ridiculous opposite Padukone. Secondly, the guy cannot do any comedy. The film simply ripped an IQ point from my head each time he acted funny and more than one IQ point when Arjun Rampal (the main antagonist) even tries to act.

So finally, why the fuck did I watch this movie? Because I got free tickets for platinum seats. A velvet couch where someone twice my size can sit comfortably. Plus, free snacks, popcorn and a cold drink. Heck, I would have gone for the Himesh movie for this deal.


The good –
2 jokes....maybe.

The bad – Everything else. The movie is a goddamn remake of DDLJ. Shahid Kapoor cannot fucking act. He made just two expressions throughout. One where he smiled and one where he made that annoying sad face which makes u feel like punching him in the nuts and head butting in his nose. Kareena Kapoor overacted in each bloody scene.

And now, how did I came across this crapfest? Some friend of mine tricked me into watching it by saying it is similar to Before Sunrise (which IMO is one of the best romantic flicks ever). Jesus zombie fucking Christ, this movie is not even worth pissing on


The Good –
3 Kahaniyaan

The Bad – 7 Kahaniyaan

Detailed review later.


Didn't get free tickets so didn't attempt to watch the movie.


The good – Angelina Jolie in 3-D. Some action scenes are pretty awesome.

The bad – Overall a very shallow film. Does not leave too much room for some characters. The climax falls flat and seems pointless.

The only 3-D movies I saw before Beowulf were the Kidd 15 mins one. It was a good change. And yes, I am an animation Junkie.


The good – The action sequences which are simply scintillating, the quick cuts make the thriller looks wonderful. Every action sequence flows like a damn poetry, just perfect. A must for every action movie junkie.

The bad – Possibly nothing, this may not be a piece of artful cinema but it entertains in every respect. Although if you are fan of the novels you might not enjoy the climax.

-Osiris 83 is currently on a pilgrimage to watch a new Mithun movie, he was last spotted in Ooty.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Very Nice, Very Nice

One of the most annoying and frustrating things is to watch the cursor blink and blink in MS Word. As if it's mocking you .. Come, Come Fucker, write something, and let’s see if you got what it takes to fill blank pages with verse. Besides I’m sure writing and procrastinating go hand in hand, unless given a deadline writing certainly is one of the most frustrating and relaxing jobs in the world. I’m sure everyone one of us must have confronted with the question; “What to write”. Why is it always so difficult to pen down our own thoughts on anything. Like I always think I have so much to write, but each day I do my best to avoid writing. Though at least writing as an art form does achieves what it sets out to achieve and stands above cinema in it’s testament for freedom of expression. Even if you are never published in your lifetime, you do have chances of being read or even achieving immortality – Kafka. On the other hand, As Andrei Tarkovsky once said, "Cinema can never be a true art form till it’s confined by the constraints of money."

Each day the number of question in my head regarding art keeps increasing. What is art? The other day I was reading through Roger Ebert commentary on Video Game as an art form and the debate it caused. And though the discussion was interesting but it dint resolve my question. Similarly I read lot of other pieces on what is art? But nothing concrete came my way. This question regarding keeps troubling me, as I travel each day by local transport or spend time lingering around on the road. What does Art mean to them? Does the person sitting beside me on bus care about art. And what about those people who do care, how much they understand art form?

Why is that an urinal piece called The Fountain by Marcel Duchamp a breakthrough in modern art form, and the potter and sculpture beside my house selling their work just another potter or sculpture. Who is the craftsman, and who is the artist? What constitutes art? Is a work made with labor, love, thought an art? Or emotions? But we get emotional about everything, so it that art? Perhaps certain question will always elude us. Though this question each day makes me understand and reason the purpose of our own existence. And questions are more a less a training ground to shaping your conflicts in your work. The conflict of man vs man, man vs society, man vs god.

I’m definitely not one of those brilliant geniuses who understand and comprehend an art as he/she watches, listens, reads and form an opinion. Usually I have tons of questions regarding everything. Though not stupid question about hidden symbols in everything. Yeah, though in recent years some things have moved me in a profound ways and made me think. One of those moments has been watching The Bell maker in Andrei Rublev break down as the bell he cast rings loud and clear. Even though he dint know the secret behind casting a bell, his faith and conviction lead to his achievement and recently when I listened to John Cage 4’33’’. Once the piece was over, I didn’t know how to react, it was just breathtaking. Silence is what this piece made me see and not hear.

As I explore more into cinema, painting, music and obviously each day is an inspiration in itself, the question about art and whether it matters and affect our live will keep haunting me as I move from avenue to avenue in my bohemian life.

Are you a dreamer?

Osiris 83

It’s really weird when the blurring between reality and dreams starts fading away. Life is no longer in the binary mode, where everything can be classified as either real or imaginary. It’s ridiculously insane as if someone planted some memories into your fucking brain and you have no idea whether those events actually happened or it’s just something you are making up.

Something similar was happening to me. I couldn’t exactly recall but there were certain events which happened in the night and I was unable to recall the sequence of these events.

Drinking coffee in the balcony and trying to find some meaning in the strange patterns I observe, be it clouds or the floor tiles, is something which gives me a natural high. The patterns mean nothing just like life. There is no sense of connection between any two patterns/events in life. It’s just bland. Thinkers have spent eons finding the purpose of our lives. Pessimists would say maybe life has no purpose at all,

Maybe it is all an illusion,

Maybe people are just looking for something which is not tangible at all.

Anyway, that is life, and let me tell you, it fucking sucks.

Before I continue with this rant, nothing great happened today. I went to office, did what I do best, came back home, had dinner (which was awfully boring) and got back to finding patterns.

So, where was I……yeah life sucks? Why does it suck?

The simplest answer is that it gives us no sense of purpose.

Someone once said,

“One thing that makes humans different from animals is that knowing we are going to die someday, and it’s only us humans who think about the afterlife, what will happen after we are dead?"

A friend of mine once said what makes us different from animals is the thought that we are the most intelligent species in the world. He is an animal lover (and a hard core veggie) by the way.

As humans we have a deep desire of conquering everything. We started with cities, provinces, kingdoms, countries. We will continue to push boundaries when it comes to space exploration, although till recent time we were not even sure of how many planets we have in the solar system, but we are kicking ass. Humans are always ascending, and they will continue until they can reach the next level of existence.

What is this next level? No, I am not going to talk about Gnosticism or trans-humanism.

Death is only the beginning, the beginning of an end. “The worst mistake that you can make is to think you’re alive when really you’re asleep in life’s waiting room” — a dialogue from Richard Linklater’s rotoscoped masterpiece “Waking Life”.

"Dream is Destiny", that is what the little girl said in the beginning of the movie. Is it supposed to mean anything? Is death the only true purpose of life? Is death synonymous with sleeping or it is just a glorified term for the sense of being awake?


Well, life continues to suck. Its just slow death.


I have no fucking clue what the hell I am typing.

It’s late in the night and I can hear a faint sound of something or someone.

Looking outside the window, it seems something is different.











Show’s over.

The lonely tree appears to be standing on a small oasis in the middle of a vast ocean.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

In Search of Lost Time

...out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot,
Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. (Macbeth)

One of my most memorable moments while playing a video game has been standing on the quiet beautiful green hill in Dragon Quest 8 and observing the sun set and the sun rise, watching the moon and the star shining brightly in the sky, and the cool breeze blowing made me feel alive, and I could feel the morning dew, and the smell of fresh grass gave me a sense of living.

I like journeys, it could be in any form - literature, music, video games, cinema and life. Each of them has a special quality attached to it. Playing Dragon Quest 8 for over two years and just taking in things slowly and letting it slip and sink made the whole journey amazing. I still haven’t completed the game and it doesn’t bother me a bit, for me it's the journey that counts and not the destination. Destination is like El Dorado, like Aguirre Wrath of God, who was doomed from the start when his ambition drove the journey into a maniac cry for the destination. No journey is complete without the presence of a solid companion. The companion could be your book, your iPod, your PSP, your thoughts, your friend .. anyone, or anything.

That’s the reason I like hoping from one place to another, like a bohemian. Living like one has its share of pros and cons. Though the number of disadvantages is always on the higher side, I love living this way, it may sound odd but that’s how I live. A number of times I have thought let’s settle down and get a flat of my own, as the shifting from one place to another is pain in the ass. But the sense of journey always keeps me excited and going. It’s fun playing your life like a Russian roulette. There are no regrets, only chances, and each chance teaches you’re about life.

In the past six month their has been two very memorable incidents as I would like to call it. I was staying with a friend of mine for a while; staying means, living for few days. All I had was my bag, with some of my clothes, my laptop. That’s all I carry for traveling between destinations. One night as I returned to his place happily with food in my hand, it must be late at night, I was ordered to take my stuff and leave the place. It’s interesting, how sometimes your friends for reasons unknown do things. I requested them to allow me stay over that night so that I could go somewhere next morning, but no one was ready to listen. So, there I was sitting on the pavement, with my bag, my laptop, my food. I called up another friend and he luckily came down, so both of us sat and ate food at the foot-path. It was a unique experience sitting down and just eating .A very spiritual and peaceful experience. The entire night, we spent sitting and sipping tea at the railway station. We talked the about cinema, art, food, health, life damn everything under the same. And sure enough it was a unique day, a unique journey.

After that incident I decided to settle down, so I thought why not pay two of my friends and have a places to live, and I could travel from one place to another whenever I’m bored. I loved the feeling of living in a proper place of my own for a while, not one but two. Then in a day I paid both of them for the flat. And for the first time I felt a different kind of satisfaction. However, my satisfaction was short lived. After having paid both my friends, I traveled to meet a friend of mine. He loves reading, writing and has an opinion on every contemporary issue, and his knowledge and grasp on literature and politics is unprecedented for a guy of his age. So it’s always unique sitting over for a cup of coffee or tea with him, at the end of each session which usually goes on for hours, I’m enlightened about things I had never known. As usual we sat till it was time for the shops to be closed, so we parted ways. I was happy contemplating where I should go to sleep tonight. I have two places of my own now. I called one of my friends, who tells me he had to go out of town immediately today evening, I then ask him about the keys to which he quips he forget to give it to the neighbor. I couldn’t help but cursing him, but I just swallowed down my anger.

Then I call the second friend of mine, and to my horror, he doesn’t pick up the phone. Now, I’m confused as hell. Eventually when he does pick up the phone, he tells me he got a sudden burst of pain in his stomach and he immediately had to go home. To my horror he too had taken the keys. And all he says, why don’t I break the lock?

It was already too late to break locks anywhere, and by the time I would have reached any one of the houses and decide to break locks, it would be well past midnight. I couldn’t even go to the friend's place I just met, his relatives were over. So I took the rickshaw to the local market, and sat at the Nescafe coffee shop, sipping coffee, eating noodles all night long.

Each journey has been a unique experience. Each day is a new day for me, each night a new night, each place a new experience. From the railways station to the footpath, every place had a unique story to tell, and gave me a new perception of life. As my college life is coming to an end, I wonder where my bohemian ways will lead me too. Would I go on living like this in future, or would thing change? I don’t know what destiny has in store for me. Till the time, my mind is without fear and the head held up high, then, who gives a … F U C K.